Category Archives: WHO-CAP

WHO-CAP: Dinosaurs! On A Spaceship! In Space!

Today I bring you a recap of Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, written by Chris Chibnall, whose previous Who-Verse work and what can be expected from any given episode by him was covered in an earlier post of mine. The short version: Drink every time there’s fanservice. This can be sexy/homoerotic fanservice, or just gimmicky fanservice. Also, drink every time there’s something horrific – like genocide, or sexual abuse, or anything else that will probably haunt your nightmares in a way a Dr Who episode probably shouldn’t. Making you terrified of everyday objects: normal. Making you terrified of people on the street murdering and raping you: not normal. This is a family sci-fi show, not Crimewatch.

So Chris Chibnall sits down to write an episode of Doctor Who. A show watched by middle-aged nerds and little kids alike. What are things that both nerds and children like?

So here’s an episode that’s about dinosaurs. On a spaceship.

Which doesn’t sound at all like fanservice.

An Egyptian Queen is flirting with the Doctor. Just another day in the TARDIS! Also, is this fanservice or

Let me sniff you, Doctor…

O-face? Fanservice?

Hooter sounds? And it’s a kid’s show again.

“Great, have you come to sort out these giant floating letters in the sky?”

What a charmer.

Of course it is, she’s Amy fucking Pond. Everything she does is fucking perfect. EVEN HOLDING LADDERS MOTHERFUCKER.

Rory is mocking goody-two-shoes Amy. I like Rory. I’ll miss him when they’re inevitably left behind by the Doctor.

I better put a cut around here because this is gonna be a big one folks – Warnings for excessive images, whining, whinging, and spoilers.

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I really need to catch up on these Who-caps…

The next episode I’ll be talking about is Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, which was written by Chris Chibnall, better known in the business for his occasionally well-written, usually horrific, fanservice-ridden episodes of Torchwood.

So before I start picking apart the episode, here’s a quick recap of what Chibnall has given us in the past:

First of course was Day One – you know, the one with that alien that fed off orgasmic energy?

And don’t forget the random longer-than-completely-necessary make out between the alien and Gwen.

Quickly follewed by the alien announcing that the orgasmic energy doesn’t count if it’s from a women. Hmm.

Then he brought us Cyberwoman, with the half-completed Cyberman – only in a suit that made no logical sense and was clearly created to give boners to fanboys worldwide.

I mean, look at that thing for god’s sake, she has high heels and a metal bikini.

Then there was the random why-is-this-even-happening-aren’t-they-supposed-to-be-running-away-from-his-Cyberman-girlfriend-is-he-resussatating-him-with-his-tongue? make out between Jack and Ianto that was clearly created to give boners to fangirls worldwide.

Oh and of course Gwen and Owen kissing too… not sure if this fits under fanservice or trauma, but either way.

Causalities in this episode included the Cyber-girlfriend unsuccessfully converting this guy,

before getting eaten by a pterodactyl,

and then performing brain surgery on herself.

Then there was the episode that scarred you for life. You know, the one where people living on the middle of nowhere hunted down passers-by, raped them and harvested their flesh?


Complete with decomposing bodies,

and the cannibals expressing they did it ‘because it made them happy’.

And then Gwen dealt with her traumatic experience by sleeping with Owen. Which in itself was horrific, not to mention a tad irrational.

Then he brought us the again random but-who-cares-it’s-John-Barrowman-and-James-Marsters-making-out make out between Jack and Captain John Hart in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.

Then there was the other episode that scarred you for life.

Which just so happened to include a bit of Jack/Ianto sex.

He also wrote the season finales for these two series of Torchwood – both with the expected amount of apocalyptic disaster and major character deaths (although to be fair, not as much as there was later in Children Of Earth) – and a couple of Doctor Who episodes that weren’t too bad besides being a little dull and forgettable. Probably because he wasn’t allowed to stuff it with anything too traumatic or sexy for the young audiences.

But all this has changed since Moffat has taken over! We shouldn’t patronise children! What’s a little genocide and references to sexual abuse gonna hurt?

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WHO-CAP: The Asylum of the Dal-EGGZZ

Doctor Who has returned!

So here is the first installment in a series of WHO-CAPs I will be posting in response to the new episodes.

Just a disclaimer: Doctor Who is one of my favourite shows, but I’m not happy with what Steven Moffat has done with it since taking over as Executive Producer. Which is a shame, because he was an excellent Doctor Who writer (with episodes such as The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, The Girl In The Fireplace, Blink, Silence In The Library/Forest Of The Dead) so I don’t know if the power went to his head or what – but suffice to say I’m a little bit bitter. So if you are a fan of Moffat’s series, I apologise.

Dalek prison camp? Seriously?

Off to a good start.

Pretty nice shoes for a prisoner.

Silly Whorebiscuit, no one escapes the Dalek prison camps!

Especially not in those shoes.


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