Category Archives: Torchwood


I really need to catch up on these Who-caps…

The next episode I’ll be talking about is Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, which was written by Chris Chibnall, better known in the business for his occasionally well-written, usually horrific, fanservice-ridden episodes of Torchwood.

So before I start picking apart the episode, here’s a quick recap of what Chibnall has given us in the past:

First of course was Day One – you know, the one with that alien that fed off orgasmic energy?

And don’t forget the random longer-than-completely-necessary make out between the alien and Gwen.

Quickly follewed by the alien announcing that the orgasmic energy doesn’t count if it’s from a women. Hmm.

Then he brought us Cyberwoman, with the half-completed Cyberman – only in a suit that made no logical sense and was clearly created to give boners to fanboys worldwide.

I mean, look at that thing for god’s sake, she has high heels and a metal bikini.

Then there was the random why-is-this-even-happening-aren’t-they-supposed-to-be-running-away-from-his-Cyberman-girlfriend-is-he-resussatating-him-with-his-tongue? make out between Jack and Ianto that was clearly created to give boners to fangirls worldwide.

Oh and of course Gwen and Owen kissing too… not sure if this fits under fanservice or trauma, but either way.

Causalities in this episode included the Cyber-girlfriend unsuccessfully converting this guy,

before getting eaten by a pterodactyl,

and then performing brain surgery on herself.

Then there was the episode that scarred you for life. You know, the one where people living on the middle of nowhere hunted down passers-by, raped them and harvested their flesh?


Complete with decomposing bodies,

and the cannibals expressing they did it ‘because it made them happy’.

And then Gwen dealt with her traumatic experience by sleeping with Owen. Which in itself was horrific, not to mention a tad irrational.

Then he brought us the again random but-who-cares-it’s-John-Barrowman-and-James-Marsters-making-out make out between Jack and Captain John Hart in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.

Then there was the other episode that scarred you for life.

Which just so happened to include a bit of Jack/Ianto sex.

He also wrote the season finales for these two series of Torchwood – both with the expected amount of apocalyptic disaster and major character deaths (although to be fair, not as much as there was later in Children Of Earth) – and a couple of Doctor Who episodes that weren’t too bad besides being a little dull and forgettable. Probably because he wasn’t allowed to stuff it with anything too traumatic or sexy for the young audiences.

But all this has changed since Moffat has taken over! We shouldn’t patronise children! What’s a little genocide and references to sexual abuse gonna hurt?

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