It’s been long over a year since I Graduated, and apparently I was far too busy doing very important and constructive things to write a post about it – or in fact any posts. So let’s have a look at What Steve Has Been Up To:
In all seriousness, I have two jobs. They suck. One of them I hate and the other won’t give me the hours I need. I put all my emotional and physical energy into working these little jobs and get paid squat. The job market sucks. I’m slowly dying inside. That’s the update.
As much spare time as I have, and as much as I want to do something productive and creative in that time, I find it hard to find the motivation. I’m stuck, stagnant. I come home exhausted and wake up exhausted. I’m uninspired. It’s like permanent writer’s block. It creates a loop of failure and disappointment and pessimism, and it’s hard to produce anything in that. It’s hard to put the time aside. Especially when all I want to do is sleep, and there always seems to be shit to do and never enough time.
This, my friends, is being an adult. And it sucks.
No, literally – sucks. The life and love and light and breathe out of you.
I can’t even gather enough energy to wash the dishes, so how can I sit down and write? And write well?
This month is November. It’s that last month in the year before the Christmas panic when we reflect on the last year and think, well fuck. That didn’t go the way I wanted it to.
That is so much the way I feel that I feel depressed just thinking about this little blog. I had such hopes and dreams for this blog! This year was supposed to be the year I rebound from my post-graduation slump and come into myself as a confident young woman!
Instead, that slump became a ditch. And if there is anyone, anyone, even fucking reading this blog – I apologise.
This is me, trying. Because this is all I can do. I’m not gonna attempt NaNoWriMo because that is a mountain, but I am ready to try to get into writing again because that’s sea-level… (you know, coz of the ditch metaphor…)
So yeah – see you around more often hopefully.
Also, in spirit of the best Halloween tradition ever – kawaii dressups: