Today I bring you a recap of Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, written by Chris Chibnall, whose previous Who-Verse work and what can be expected from any given episode by him was covered in an earlier post of mine. The short version: Drink every time there’s fanservice. This can be sexy/homoerotic fanservice, or just gimmicky fanservice. Also, drink every time there’s something horrific – like genocide, or sexual abuse, or anything else that will probably haunt your nightmares in a way a Dr Who episode probably shouldn’t. Making you terrified of everyday objects: normal. Making you terrified of people on the street murdering and raping you: not normal. This is a family sci-fi show, not Crimewatch.
So Chris Chibnall sits down to write an episode of Doctor Who. A show watched by middle-aged nerds and little kids alike. What are things that both nerds and children like?
So here’s an episode that’s about dinosaurs. On a spaceship.
Which doesn’t sound at all like fanservice.
An Egyptian Queen is flirting with the Doctor. Just another day in the TARDIS!
Also, is this fanservice or
Let me sniff you, Doctor…
Hooter sounds? And it’s a kid’s show again.
“Great, have you come to sort out these giant floating letters in the sky?”
What a charmer.
Of course it is, she’s Amy fucking Pond. Everything she does is fucking perfect. EVEN HOLDING LADDERS MOTHERFUCKER.
Rory is mocking goody-two-shoes Amy. I like Rory. I’ll miss him when they’re inevitably left behind by the Doctor.
I better put a cut around here because this is gonna be a big one folks – Warnings for excessive images, whining, whinging, and spoilers.
This Doctor really is just a self-centered cockicle, isn’t he.
Rory brings all the sass, “Yes thank you, honey! Thank you for helping to explain to my father why he suddenly materialised inside the set of Alien! ‘Tell him something, quick’, never would have thought of that! Flawless and perfect as ever, darling!”
Whoops, he’s forgetting about her! Inevitable goodbye, on the horizon!
Yep. Egyptian queen? Just a person. She’s not a Pond. Ponds are more important than anyone else in the entire universe. Because they’re related to you. Queen Amy. The greatest, most flawless person to ever exist.
(They’re not even Ponds, they’re Williams!)
Cue bad BBC SFX!
Dinosaurs! On a spaceship!
Drink everytime someone says something along these lines in the rest of the episode…
This image just depresses me.
THE DOCTOR DERPS
Look at Rory cringe in the background.
They’re on… Bad Wolf Bay??
Apparently BBC Wales don’t have too many beach filming locations to choose from.
You tell him, Rory!
Cool story, Bro!
Our villain appears! “Doctor, I’ve been expecting you” yada yada.
Amy the fangirl.
Queen Nefertiti has had enough of your shit.
HAHA THEY WERE STANDING ON TOP OF A DINOSAUR ALL THIS TIME RIGHT ON TOP OF A DINOSAUR ON SPACESHIP THAT IS CLASSIC
I would know because I’m Amy Pond.
Queen Nefertiti has really had enough of this shit.
QUEEN AMY OF EVERYTHING DID YOU NOT KNOW
You’re not alone there, Rory’s dad.
How convenient! I mean, inconvenient. Yes, inconvenient.
BBC SFX FTW!
This Doctor is a bit of a twat sometimes really. Yes, thanks for showing me up on my own show guys.
If only Amy had been there… then they’d be safe…
It’s ok, guys! We’re saved! It’s the comedy robots, voiced by David Mitchell and Simon Webb! I mean, Robert Webb! They’re here to save the show!
goddamn drink for goddamn fanservice
‘I’m goddamn Amy fucking Pond that’s how’
Rory has had enough of this shit
Still not as gross as Gwen/Owen
Oh, Lord indeed…
Sorry Amy, this is a Chibnall episode…
You are not the Doctor Amy, you don’t get companions…
I bet Chibnall wrote this line and thought ‘hehe… homo’
Oh yeah, remember he’s a nurse?
THE DOCTOR DERPS
No dinosaurs were harmed in the making of this episode.
Le sigh… Drink!
Anyone else find this a little racist?
Queen Nefertiti is a slut!
What a charmer
Me too, Rory!
No Rorys were harmed in the making of this episode.
QUEEN NEFERTITI HAS SPOKEN
Rape, yay. Driiiiinnnnk.
Filch, how could you.
Rory is so fed up with this shit he can’t even
Yeah, that’s how it works on this show. The best time to discuss domestic issues is during the wait for impending death.
They’re not Ponds. The most important type of person ever. And you, Queen of the Ponds. You are the most important. Ever.
A comment about gender politics… in an episode written by Chris Chibnall? On a show produced by Steven Moffat? Ahahahahahaha.
A 2001 reference? SRLY??
He’s objectifying her! Oh no he di-in’t!
QUEEN NEFERTITI HAS SPOKEN
Yeah thanks for that little contribution there, Doctor.
Um… Apparently he is…
At this point I got really upset, saying how the old Doctor Who never would have let this happen, because he always tried to save people, even the baddies. If someone did have to die or get left behind, the Doctor would still show remorse or one of the companions woulds point out the tragedy of the situation. Only things like Daleks and Cybermen, who weren’t really living things were wiped out, and even then the humanity of the situation came into play on more than one occasion. I said, that’s what I always loved about Doctor Who. My fiancée replied, well this isn’t really Doctor Who anymore is it? And it’s not.
And then, because I’m a mature adult, i said ‘Yeah, more like Doctor Poo!’
And, of course, the cocky douche banged the cool, strong female character. Eeeeh.
How did they even… how was this taken?? Was this photoshopped? I don’t really understand…
NEXT TIME ON DOCTOR POO
The Doctor has a gun!
And the Stetson is back!
So, see you next month for A Fandom Called Give Me Mercy