WHO-CAP: The Asylum of the Dal-EGGZZ

Doctor Who has returned!

So here is the first installment in a series of WHO-CAPs I will be posting in response to the new episodes.

Just a disclaimer: Doctor Who is one of my favourite shows, but I’m not happy with what Steven Moffat has done with it since taking over as Executive Producer. Which is a shame, because he was an excellent Doctor Who writer (with episodes such as The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, The Girl In The Fireplace, Blink, Silence In The Library/Forest Of The Dead) so I don’t know if the power went to his head or what – but suffice to say I’m a little bit bitter. So if you are a fan of Moffat’s series, I apologise.

Dalek prison camp? Seriously?

Off to a good start.

Pretty nice shoes for a prisoner.

Silly Whorebiscuit, no one escapes the Dalek prison camps!

Especially not in those shoes.

CONTINUED UNDER THE CUT FOR SPOILERS AND EXCESSIVE IMAGES AND BITTERNESS

Wait she’s a – what? A dalek? A dalek person? Daleks can hide in people now? What is this

Amy has a new Myspace page.

Oh – that’s right. Amy’s a model now. Almost forgot about that. Right.

Waitwhat.

After all of that they broke up!? Are you actually serious.

Me: 11?

My fiancée: 11?

Everyone: 11?

Geddit??

EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE OUR SENSE OF SELF PRIDE AND CREDIBILITY AS VILLAINS!

This is new and exciting and totally unexpected, isn’t it viewers! Weren’t expecting this were you!

Promising.

THIS CONVERSATION IS IRRELEVANT well at least someone said it.

Never heard of powered milk?

BITCH IM AMY POND I KNOW NO FEAR FLAWLESS HUMAN BEING REMEMBER?

Definitely not Hoth.

At this point my fiancée said “Oh look, Mickey’s back!”, however, I do not condone this as it’s very offensive.

Maybe he died again.

Time has messed up again! Oh noes!

Still not Hoth, by the way.

He’s a Dalek, isn’t he.

Oh no, Mickey’s a Dalek!

Didn’t see that coming.

Isn’t this the same plot from The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances? The Nanogenes? Moffat is reusing his own stories? Should I be surprised?

Leave her! She’s dead weight!

Hey look, Amy! A new, hotter, more likable replacement for you!

No, your name is Souffle girl now.

She’s flirting with the Doctor?

Didn’t see that coming.

“Actually I was talking about myself.”

DRINK EVERYTIME THE BOWTIE IS MENTIONED.

Yeah, those dusty daleks are probably dead and totally safe to poke and not just sleeping or somethi-

Didn’t see that coming.

And what commences is the funniest dalek-related sequence this show has ever seen.

oh shit.

ACTIVATE AWESOME RORY BODY ROLL

ACTIVATE AWESOME RORY BODY SLIDE

also, RORY ROARS

Oh, BBC stunt team.

Seriously, what is it with Moffat making all his female characters bisexual/bicurious!?

and the worst part is, she thinks this is flirting! Yes, I’m sure that’s a normal way for women to flirt with men. Talking about girls.

Moffat and his effing lesbian fetish.

See – nanogenes!

Amy’s becoming a Gasmask Zombie? I mean, a Cyberman? I mean, a Weeping Angel? I mean, a Dalek-person?

And nothing of importance was lost.

When I first watched this I thought she was saying ‘Hey there, Binky Boy’ and I was all Omg It’s Melvin From Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged and then I was seriously confused to why Moffat would even use that word in this context at all, but according to these subtitles she was saying ‘beaky boy’. Nose jokes.

Rude.

Seriously what is even happening here-

Ok, Amy is on drugs.

NO BECAUSE WE’VE HEARD OF FRIGGIN POWDERED MILK

Or maybe she secretly has a baby, and she’s using her own breast milk? She is a female character written by Moffat after all.

Personally, I’m more concerned about how she’s been getting the EGGZZ.

My sympathies to Mrs Moffat.

Subtracting Love. Sounds like an 80’s pop ballad…

COZ THAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING HERE

Yeeeeah, remember that?

Wow. I mean just- wow. Let’s take a step back here, Amy. Think about what you’re saying here, k? 2,000 years is a pretty long time. I mean, you’ve only lived what, like 20 years? So yeah, times that by 100, love. Just to put things in perspective. That’s a pretty big accusation you’re making here. I mean, I’m hearing a lot of bitching and whining here, and not a whole lot of apologising for dumping a guy who waited 2,000 years outside a box for you. Just saying.

And speaking of bitching and whining…

Oh, they didn’t kill him. How unexpected.

…She’s a Dalek, isn’t she.

Oh No…

…She’s a hot chick!

Didn’t see that one coming.

The milk, Oswin! The milk and the EGGZZ!

Can we just take a second to appreciate the amazing work done on these subtitles.

Souffle girl, you’re an effing Dalek.

GURL PLEA YOU’RE A DALEK

THE MILK AND THE EGGZZ

EGGZZ

EGGGZZZZ

HEY LOOK AMY AND RORY GOT BACK TOGETHER AND THAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

Everytime someone asks ‘Doctor Who?’ a puppy is exterminated.

What

Seriously

Is this seriously happening

[All images from BBC iPlayer, and are property of the BBC]

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Doctor Who, TV, WHO-CAP

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s